Metaphors Writing and Murder Mysteries (Flash Story)

“A Pale Green Mermaid Blog”


My attempt at a murder mystery,



 She walked past the tobacco store. She was sure it was him. She followed him into the desert…


The ice cold dark metal chilled her fingertips. He was walking away – ‘Not very nice to shoot without seeing the whites of his,’ – Bang!  He tried to turn around but the bullets kept hitting him.  ‘Oh’, she thought ‘ it is an automatic,’ – her fingers tensed tighter around the chamber as the gun snapped up into the air.  She worked hard to steady her arms.  1 ,2 ,3 ,4 ,5 ,6 ,7 , click, click.  The chamber was empty.  Each bullet hit a different part of his body, his shoulder first, his ribs next, she could hear the cracks, they sounded like that whole pig that was barbecued last 4th of July, when the chef pulled the ribs from the bulk of the animal’s body… then the hip – that is when he tried to turn around but his spine arched – his legs buckled and he eased onto his knees.   Crack – the final bullets sliced into his body now lying flat on the ground.

Clear blue smoke drifted from the gun.  She still held the weapon straight out – arms in front of her.  Lifting the base of her hand off the gun she saw a huge white blister in her palm.  “Ouch,” she let go of it, quietly tossing it over her shoulder, walked to his body and kicked it.  There was no movement.

“It had to be done.”  Reaching into her pocket she checked the departure time of the flight, removed the yellow blue striped gloves, throwing them into the  campfire flaming next to her red paisley heels.  They caught fire easily.  Turning she opened the door of her hybrid.  She caressed the side of her face catching a torn nail in the back of her pony tail, she stopped, then pulled the white ribbon out of her hair and tossed it into the fire waiting to watch it burn into the sand.  Circles of smoke floated up into the sky forming the pattern of a rose.  She suffocated the embers out.

 The End


Well, mostly murder not alot of mystery!  The metaphor in the story is him  – the male character,which represents not a person, but an idea, an expectation, a way of thinking that the writer wants to let go of,  i.e . kill.    

Check out  the Lemon Lizard Lounge in the Blogroll, now they knew how to write!


Wishing you artistic expansion and peace!


 (Experimental use of a metaphor)


Metaphor(from Latin metaphoria; see the Greek origin below) is a figure of speech and or phrase that one word as being or equal to a second object in some way. This device is known for usage in literature, especially in poetry, where with few words, emotions and associations from one context are associated with objects and entities in a different context. It compares two subjects without using ‘like’ or ‘as’.

Compared to simile, the metaphor takes us one step further that the simile. Instead of asking us to picture one thing as being like another, the metaphor asks us to picture one thing as being the other.

The term derives from Greekμεταφορά (metaphora), or “transference”[1], from μεταφέρω (metaphero) “to carry over, to transfer”[2] and that from μετά (meta), “between”[3]+ φέρω (phero), “to bear, to carry”[4].

 From Wikipedia



Leave a comment

Filed under Art, Flash Story

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s